Two strangers in a lot

I saw him today. As I was walking, I caught a glimpse of the very man I had spent days reading about...coming at me from my right. I looked and then quickly looked away. I couldn't bear to see the hurt in his eyes. As he crossed my path I made sure not to make contact with him. I stood there for a moment in the parking lot...frozen.
7 cars
a grocery store
he and I
A couple of feet apart
....I watched him slowly walk away and I knew he was crying. I could hear the pangs of his tears smash against the concrete // rolling over small pebbles and making it's way to my shoe- connecting us....trapping us in that moment. I wanted so badly to hug him and to let him know that everything was going to be ok, but I knew that it wouldn't be....
not any time soon, at least. What do you say to a person who has lost someone ? I couldn't find the words or the courage to offer him my condolences. I kept thinking " go over there! It might make him feel better".
Suddenly, I saw myself approach him. My arms wrapped around his torso like a daughter hugging her father before starting the first day of school. Like an embrace held before prom, before graduation, and before going off to college. Before a wedding and after purchasing a home. I felt him remembering how it felt to hold his daughter. I could sense him trying to pick up her scent and to picture her smile and the way she'd call him "daddy". I could see him molding my face into hers and changing my hair ....
...and I backed away. Realizing I hadn't done a thing but watch the distance between us grow, i'm regretting not making good use of the time we spent in the parking lot. We passed as strangers.

Babel

"Young lady, do you speak Spanish?"
-no
" Well, you should"
-sorry?
" Every year people come to this country and they dont speak english!! What language do they speak? SPANISH! You should learn it ! Then, teach classes and sell lessons for $9. The tapes are about $16, dont bother with Rosetta"
-uhh
" Are you listening ?"
-I hear you
"What language do you know"
-Je parle francais
"That AINT SPANISH !"
-Obviously. No offense but, I dont care to learn spanish. I dont have a problem with the native speakers or the country the language originated from but if they're coming here...why should I take additional classes just to have the requirements and capabilities to speak to them ? I dont mind helping them understand me but i'm perfectly content with not knowing their language.When I go to a foreign country, I have to learn THEIR language and not the other way around. This conversation is quite pointless seeing as how when you step off this train, I wont have the desire to learn spanish and i'll forever think you were insane. If you dont mind, I wanna get back to listening to my ENGLISH gospel music. Thanks.

"Well, I was just saying it'd make it easier"
- mhm thanks for the news flash

random conversation I had on the train

Is anyone DIFFERENT ?

I am who I am, and not who you are....I guess that makes me different. But if you are who you are, and not who I am..doesnt that also make you different n the same right ? So if we're BOTH different...arent we the same sharing a similarity of being different. I guess you can be different in different ways b/c if anyone were different in the same way, that'd make them the same. Sometimes I think we try too hard to be original and end up duplicating someone else's trial and error.

Random Rambles pt.3

You ever been so hungry that you just stare at menu's? lol Last night, instead of eating......I read a carryout menu. I love PG/DC b/c [ sooo many slashes] no matter where you go, there's a carryout. lol I missed that in DE. Anyway, my stomach was growling so, like a crying baby, I tried to soothe it with some food. I didnt have any food so I read a menu lmao
ugh
It didnt help that I was highly irritated yesterday -- dude !!!
like, seriously...I wanna // or neeeed to work out. It's gettn serious now. I wanted to gain a little weight but not in the lazy way. My dad has my computer and I wanna know what he's doing with it lol He's had it for quite some time. I spoke to one of my VERY bestfriends today ..omg I just love her lol I'm glad we got to catch up.
2010 -- year of the bible ?
drake-- loves rihanna?
foot -- fell asleep?

yea yea yea !

:)

I wish the world was filled with more love. I wish we could greet everyone with a hug, and a smile
......no matter how long we've known them or if we know them at all. We could get rid of currency, and just give freely and from our hearts. Where did all of the love go ? I challenge anyone who reads this to do a good deed.

• Pay someone a compliment!
• Befriend someone who needs the companionship
• HUG a stranger. That happened to me once, and it made my day! 3 years later, I still smile about it.
• Put random notes on your neighbors doors so that they find it when they come back. Example: "You're beautiful" , "I believe in you" or " There are a million possibilities, go get one". You never know what could motivate someone to do something they've always wanted to do.
• Collect your change from purchases, take it to a coin star...and give the money to someone who needs it.
• Help anyone who looks like they need it.
• Tape a quarter to a payphone
• Sit down and have a conversation with someone who looks like they have a lot on their mind.
• Look in the phone book, find an address...deliver flowers or a card with an encouraging message.
• Leave the parking space up at the front for someone who needs it. If you can walk, do so. There just arent enough handicapped spaces :)
• Hold the door for someone else
• SMILE -- it's infectious!
• Pay the toll for the car behind you

I cant think of any more, but I hope this helps you make someone's day 10x brighter! Be kind !!!

RELAPSE

not [[ having ]] one
[[ getting ]] one <3

Eminem !

Retreat

I just wish I could rewind everything and bask in that one moment. I felt special then.
I felt....valuable.

Word Play

I love words. When I was younger, and I asked my dad how to spell something, he'd give me a dictionary. At that time, I thought he was just making my life difficult lol It wasnt until later that I found out that he didnt know how to spell the word himself. Him making me look up each word I had no idea how to spell changed my life. I'd like to thank him for all that he's done. Because of him, my professors tell me that my papers are way more advanced than they're supposed to be for someone my age. I wrote a paper on malleable memory, because cognition really interests me ...
and she told me that she had no choice but to give me an A being that the paper really was med-school dissertation level. I'm not here to brag but I do want to say; take advantage of everything that is placed in front of you.
From my love of words came my love of books. I could sit and read books all day ( still can). I even STOLE a couple of books because I couldnt afford them at the time. From my love of books came my love of poetry. I absolutely adore the way someone can describe an item or a situation and you'll know exactly what they're talking about without them ever mentioning the thing to which they're referring. ahhhhh words!!! I wanna get into slam poetry. I always go into poetry slams, but writing a slam poem has always been hard for me because I hate rhyming ! lol It sounds so....cheesy. I'll figure it out though because performing gives you a high -- A high that I want. It's like you're just throwing words up in the air, juggling and playing with them. It'll be something I dabble in.

::Quote ::

Anything worth having is worth fighting for.

Just a thought

I'm reflecting ( once again) upon a time when I had to go somewhere the previous day. I had my clothes all picked out, I had curled my hair and packed everything that id need. All I had to do was go to the store and the bank and make it back before 5pm. I woke up around 9am. I figured that would give me enough time to take care of everything I had to do ( I dont drive). I made it out of the house by 11 to catch the bus. I missed the bus while walking up there, it had arrived early. So I stood for another hour....
a bus approached me but it wasnt the right one, so I let it pass me. As soon as it did, however, it changed it's bus number into the one that I needed~! I was pissed. I thought I cant stand here and wait for another bus, I have to walk. So, I walked. It took only 20 mins and the whole time, im like "I could have been here already"!!!!
As I walked up to the bank, it was closed and wouldnt open until 1pm.
As pissed as I was that I just did all of that, I realized, this is a blessing. I have time to go do everything else I had to do in the shopping center before getting back to the bank. Had I come earlier...around the time I set out to come
I would have been standing around waiting. The Lord looked out for me, everything happens for a reason. I didnt get to go where I wanted to go that day
nothing really worked out lol but the following day was even better than I had hoped for.

I have to remember that sometimes things arent going to go as planned, but the'll always go as they were supposed to. They may look like they're thousands of miles from turning around ...you're gonna be down in the dumps and it's gonna seem like nothing is ever going to work out but in the darkest moment....you'll have some light. May God's will be done

Gluttony

Maybe I should just eat a bunch of cupcakes, sausages, pasta, and everything else in the supermarket so that people can stop telling me I look skinny and that I need to gain weight! WHAT THE [ insert word here]

IM SICK OF THIS! Just like you wouldnt tell someone they're gettn a lil bigger
why would u tell someone they're losing weight
if they were already thin
annnd they werent trying to
THATS JUST RUDE~!
dont comment on my weight
dont comment on anyone's weight
you dont know what they're struggling with
or how self conscious they may be
i mean, what if I had a terminal illness or something? inconsiderate bastard

Vulnerability & Secrets

Everyone has scars, mine are just visible. It's the things people are hiding that you should worry about.