Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Dear Mr && Mrs Smith

You give me life.
I know that you birthed me, mom, but the two of you literally keep me going. You’ve instilled in me the values I now hold and have perfected for myself.
Mom- you taught me how to carry myself as a lady. Everything I believe about women and femininity came from you. Self confidence Is something you exude and I find comfort in knowing that even if I tried, I’ll never be as good as you. You are the best mother who has ever lived. YES you get on my nerves lol but you’re so loving. You’ve sacrificed so much just to see us all smile, and I cannot tell you how appreciative I am of your selflessness. I got my voice from you. With You each day is a song I want to keep on repeat. You’re always encouraging, always smiling, and always always there. Thank you.
Pops-’s been a long ride. Each time I think about how far we’ve come, I just want to cry. I can think of all of the times I didn’t have a word to say to you. I can think of the times when I wished you were gone and then, when you did leave…I couldn’t think of anything but clicking my heels three times so that you could come home. I’m so glad we’ve strengthened our relationship. From the way you’ve treated me, I never want to settle for a guy who does less for me than you do. I deserve the very best, you taught me that. But you’ve also given me my sense of humor and ways of thinking. My entire personality comes from you. ­­­­­Ive learned forgiveness from you, and tons and tons of bible scriptures lol You’ve always appreciated my art, and made me feel like I was the smartest kid to have ever lived.
Together, you were the perfect parents. You were counselors, protectors, and friends. I couldn’t have asked for more…and I wouldn’t dream of asking for someone different. The Lord knew exactly what he was doing when he made you two my parents. Thanks for loving me and taking me as I am. I know I’m a bit much haha but you just…gosh. Idk lol no words can sum it up.
Just, thank you.

your oldest daughter from the second set // princess lol

[This is apart of a series of LETTERS ]

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Dear Crush

...I don't have a crush. I always think about who I'll end up liking though

He didnt’t really have a shape or color but
He loves me to pieces

His arms were strong enough to hold me
Smile bright enough to light up my day
Smart enough to stump me
I examined him like a spectacle
He would be my miracle
My Gabriel
I would steal him back from the sky if heaven tried to rob him from me
Tear apart the clouds until I retrieved my king
And parade my prize throughout the streets
Hoping he’d remember me
Anything …from this moment
In my daydream…
I placed two palms on either side of his face
Expanding my hands like wings
Across the clear sky that engulfed us
And cuffing air so I could retrieve it when I had lost my breath
holding that position for a second -thinking “remember me”
he would string stars together to form my essence
I would kiss his fingertips so that
When he pointed, it would be in my direction
Always …always following my scent to lead him home
The haven I had prepared for him
 He told me he’d set out to find me
Sift through hundreds of mini skirts to find my jeans
Never stopping until his hand settled into mine
Until he could recognize my voice within miles
Until he was right there by my side
So here I am waiting
Not filling his void with some undeserving sap
But still,
With each guy I think it’s him
And I’m always a little disappointed when it isn’t
But ever so optimistic for the day when
he’ll ask me where I’ve been
I know it’ll happen but until then
I’ll be dreaming of him

Hopeless Romantic much? lol
It's cheesy, I know. But I always think about the person God will send to me. I love HARD!! lol So, if I dont exactly come off as a warm person, just know that for whatever reason, I feel like I have to guard my heart and all of my emotions to prevent being hurt again. I understand that now im not just talking about a crush, but rather the person i'll end up marrying but that's how serious it is to me. Dont get me wrong, I'm content with being single. I believe the Lord will have you do things in your singleness to glorify him that you cant quite do in a relationship. && Likewise, in a relationship, there are things the two of you can do that you wouldnt have been able to do apart. So, I dont mind being single one bit. It doesnt hurt to give thought to the dude who'll steal your heart away though :)
Having a crush would be cool....

[This is apart of a series of LETTERS ]

Monday, June 28, 2010

Dear Bestfriend,

I wish you would listen to me. Like, REALLY listen. I told you yesterday that I have spent the majority of my life listening to your problems and while I still stand by that statement, I dont feel like you ever take the time to truly consider the fact that I may need a day to be listened to. I feel like a crutch. I feel like you're just waiting for your turn to talk. Or to tell me how this somehow relates to what HE did or said or something irrelevant. I love you with all of my heart, but this is the reason why I'm irritated when you start on some random tangent. You aren't listening !! A lot of things are learned by listening, for instance....
I learned in psych that a lot of our good memories are connected to a strong smell lol Isn't that cool? Smell is connected to emotion and well, there ya go.
I can be a very blunt, and no bs person, but I never have ever...once...not a day in my life ever been rude to you because I know that's all you've gotten from the people in your life. I don't want to be another one. All I'm asking is that if I have had a bad day ( which I have sometimes), I need you to listen to me and not wait to interject with a story of your own.


[This is apart of a series of LETTERS ]

Letters to you

I want to get back into blogging and kat (dannilovescupcakes ) gave me a great idea lol LETTERS!!! wooot!! I'll still mix in my own stuff, but I love this idea. Sooo here goes mannn
the list ::

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

I encourage you ( whomever chooses to read my blog) to do this challenge as well :)

Midnight breadcrumbs

Have you ever fallen asleep to your stomach pains
let it drown out the headache you got from
listening to the bill collectors ring
it brings you to your knees at night
askin God for the relief just aint in sight
all of your dollars are spent payin what u owe
it dont get no betta than this
on trees it dont grow
pacing pavements to find employment
equals what you do in the day
forget clubbin at love
thursdays are for praying pain away
feeln like ur holdin the roof up with your own two
it's a hard knock life trynna make it w/o u
so im gonna penny pinch
til i get a glimpse of the light thru this tunnel
id wave the white flag if i could
im just too weak to run tho

Sunday, June 27, 2010

What am I doin?

Dang, it's been a minute since I 'rambled'. Sorry brain, you haven't been exercised nearly as much as you should have been. So, I was pitifully watching BET ( dumb idea), and I watched as Drake repeated "what am I doin...oh that's right, i'm doin me". Now, honestly I dont listen to anything but christian music but my little sister was playing that song in the car earlier so I had a chance to hear it on repeat. I started thinking about my life and how I truly DONT know what i'm doing. I thought I was letting God lead me when really I was trying to take control. How many people know that when you let God be the passenger in your car, you're going to crash? Maybe not on the highway where you get to speed and spend your time trying to pass other people, but certainly somewhere along the road.
I've learned that i'm not a very good driver. Not literally (although, that's true too), but I cannot preach Christ, if i'm not allowing him to fully operate my vehicle.
On a side note, The BET awards piss me off. I'm so sick of my brothers and sisters chasing this dream so skillfully painted on the television. It is FAKE !!! I'm not feeln the fact that all of my classmates want to be rappers, and all of my wonderfully talented ladies want to model. Dont get me wrong, that stuff is ambitious and great and all but when it's motivated by these people on tv who wear close to nothing and live NOTHING, the dream is empty.
A little boy passed me on the train and I could see his underwear. Not boxers...underwear. THAT'S how young he was. Why cant we see that the music we listen to and the things we expose ourselves to is corrupting? What am I doing to change it ?

I just wanna be a blessing to someone and idk how to be really.
ugh idk