I cant say it doesnt hurt. It does and always has. The honest truth is that I've never felt good enough. Not worthy of anyone's time or breathing space. I guess i'm bringing this up because it's really just...taking a toll on everything. I wish I could truly have the self esteem I portray to everyone else. I dont. I know the biblical answer to this : You're more precious than rubies, Jesus loves you, he cares about you when no one else does. I get that believe me I do but what happens when you dont necessarily FEEL loved? I'm not saying that I dont feel loved by Christ, I do. But I wish I felt truly loved by everyone else. I know that the world will never completely accept someone who follows Christ but
Another thing is...I'm tired of dating. I'm tired of just...not being who the dude wants me to be and then them getting mad when I refuse to conform to their version of beautiful. I cant do it. It's exhausting constantly refuting everything and constantly saying "no I wont do that...it's not me". Seriously! God, im just tired. I'm waiting on my second wind to come so I can finish running this race. Where are the guys who will love you just as you are. Where are the PEOPLE who will take you as you are ? I feel like people see the potential in you before they see YOU. That's a problem. What if I never live up to your potential? ugh I'm frustrated.